Monday, January 21, 2008

How to Save a Dog from a Dark Chocolatey Death in 30 Seconds Flat

You never really know your spouse until you're holding an 80 lb. Golden Retriever down in the kitchen (on the hardwood) together so you can induce vomiting and save said Golden from a TOXIC DARK CHOCOLATEY DEATH.

It started out as a very romantic evening (I will omit details as there are many members of our families reading), and was about to get even nicer, when Brendan offered me some lovely dark chocolate to go with my Beaujolias (and if you know Brendan, you'll understand that an offer of dessert is SO rare, it can only be construed as a complete attempt at seduction).

I left the lovely chocolate next to my lovely wine, and got up just for a minute to check on the baby. When I got back, I noticed Duke on the floor next to the table, licking...THE WRAPPER OF THE DARK CHOCOLATE.

Now, gentle reader, he's eaten "chocolate" before, as in a few of the crappy milk chocolates that came with an advent calendar I picked up from the Dollar Store. But this was really good, really dark, really sexy Dark Chocolate, and apparently, it can kill your dog.

I called the Emergency # for the vet, a little cavalier and embarrassed, but quickly changed my tone when the woman unleashed a barrage of questions:

How much chocolate?
What kind?
How dark?
How many pounds is the dog?
How long ago did he eat it?

Oh crap. You mean it really CAN kill him?

The antitode, sadly, was 8 teaspoons of hydrogen peroxide (1 tsp per 10 lbs. body weight) poured down his unsuspecting doggie throat while we held him in the kitchen. Worked like a charm. Major, major pukage - - the kind you never, ever want to see coming from ANYONE you know, let alone your dog...on your kitchen floor.

But honestly, the worst part (besides Brendan's frequent reminders that I almost killed the dog) was that Duke stayed next to us with the most utmost, loving loyalty, gagging and puking next to his masters. It was a little bit heart-breaking. We had done this to him, yet he really wanted to put his head in my lap and recover...and eventually his tail started to wag as I stroked his exhausted face.

Damn dog.

1 comment:

Portia said...

oh haha.

oh dear.

wow. (wipes tear from corner of eye)

that's just like a scene out of one of those movies that makes a comedy out of trying to be sexy when married with kids and pets. so amusant! i do hope, however, that like in the movies you got right back on track ex-post-puko. And thanks for sparing the details. :-)

missyou guys!